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The Weight of it ALL

I feel so much more alone, scared and tired than I was when I was suicidal in early adolescence.

It is as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest stomped on, blended up, and then spat in my face by the other people at are supposed to love and care about my daughters (and my) welfare and despite this, I am as far from suicidal as I could get. Working ideas spinning on how to pick up the pieces of the beautiful caring person I know I am that they are trying to destroy.

I want to rip these toxic people out of my life and will as much as possible and as soon as possible. I need to create a safe space around myself that I currently do not have. There is a tiny piece of me under the rubble unwilling to stop fighting to be heard. Driven through the tears frustration and heartbreak to be heard and lead the rescue team so that I can to a brighter future for my daughter and myself.

The hardest part that same daughter I am fighting to get the right help for has been twisted and pulled apart by those trying to destroy me and in the process, they are destroying her as well and her desperate attempts to save herself she is throwing rubble (the lies, words and hurtful actions to hurled at me) on top of the heap I am buried under. Her's is the hardest to bear the weight of feeling like thousands of tons of lead with every hurtful word and act.

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