Stresses Toll On Me

Today the stresses of dealing with my daughter and the connected feelings of hopelessness have taken on very real physical symptoms.

My hands and feet are tingling uncontrollably and I have poor coordination in both. I have had several bouts where I cannot see a severe migraine has set in today. Normal migraine control methods are having no effect. I wanted to try loading a meditation earlier but could not despite trying to remember the word "meditation", how to locate the saved links to them on my computer nor format the words to google search one. My stomach is so very angry and irritable. It feels like I might begin vomiting uncontrollably at any second.

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Father's and Daughter's

When I see father's and daughters interact with each other in a loving manner it is super touching but I also feel like crying. I only realized today when watching a friends video why that might be. We only lived with the AP for part of our child's first year of life. During that time he treated us almost like we were invisible when we were at home unless he was raging at me. Tender moments of dad holding and playing with his daughter never happened unless there was an audience. I stayed in a horribly abusive relationship that still haunts me over a decade later because I believed she needed the opportunity to have a relationship with him. But he was not giving her his time and not connecting and I never fully connected with that as well I have today. Our relationship ended and I still hoped for years that he would give her that deep love. I encouraged him many times to engage her one on one. To learn who she is and what makes her heart sing. Who she wants to become. But sh...

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The Weight of it ALL

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Mumma Struggles

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